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Opening Up: Do Gay Men Prefer Discussing Sex with a Gay Therapist? A CBT and ACT Perspective

Updated: Jul 19, 2023


Navigating the complexities of sex and intimacy can be challenging, and the importance of a supportive, understanding therapist cannot be overstated. For gay men, finding the right therapist to discuss their sexual experiences and concerns can be particularly important. In this blog post, we'll explore whether gay men prefer discussing sex with a gay therapist, and how cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can help create a safe space for these conversations.

The Importance of Relatability and Empathy in Therapy

One factor that may contribute to gay men feeling more comfortable discussing sex with a gay therapist is the therapist's ability to empathize and relate to their experiences (Sherry et al., 2010). A shared understanding of the challenges and triumphs unique to the gay community can help build trust and rapport between the client and therapist.

However, it is important to note that therapist competence, skill, and empathy are not solely determined by their sexual orientation. A skilled therapist, regardless of their own orientation, can create a supportive environment and help clients navigate their sexual concerns and experiences.

CBT and ACT: Building a Safe Space for Sexual Exploration

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) are evidence-based therapeutic approaches that can help create a safe and open environment for discussing sex and intimacy (Hofmann et al., 2012; A-Tjak et al., 2015). Both CBT and ACT emphasize self-awareness, mindfulness, and values-driven action, providing clients with the tools they need to explore their sexual experiences and emotions.

These approaches can help gay men identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts and beliefs about sex, overcome internalized stigma, and develop a healthier relationship with their sexuality.

Finding the Right Therapist: Key Considerations for Gay Men

When searching for a therapist to discuss sex and intimacy, gay men should consider the following factors:

  1. Therapist's expertise: Look for a therapist who has experience working with LGBTQ+ clients and is knowledgeable about the unique challenges faced by the gay community.

  2. Therapeutic approach: Ensure the therapist employs evidence-based approaches like CBT and ACT that can effectively address sexual concerns and promote personal growth.

  3. Personal connection: Find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable and can establish a strong rapport, regardless of their sexual orientation.


While some gay men may feel more at ease discussing sex with a gay therapist, the most important factors in a successful therapeutic relationship are competence, empathy, and a strong personal connection. By utilizing evidence-based approaches like CBT and ACT, a skilled therapist can create a supportive environment where clients can explore their sexual experiences and concerns openly and honestly.


A-Tjak, J. G., Davis, M. L., Morina, N., Powers, M. B., Smits, J. A., & Emmelkamp, P. M. (2015). A meta-analysis of the efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinically relevant mental and physical health problems. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 84(1), 30-36.

Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427-440.

Sherry, A., Whilde, M. R., & Patton, J. (2010). Gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients' experiences in therapy: Comparing the effects of sexual orientation



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